Missing Tile Syndrome

One of my interests and pursuits in life is happiness. This will be another ongoing topic you will find me writing about. It is something that eludes many of us on a regular basis. It requires work, intentionality, and choice. This is no condemnation of those suffering from forms of depression--some must battle their biology, but they too can improve their happiness.

Dennis Prager has been my "mentor" in this pursuit. His book, Happiness is a Serious Problem, and the "Happiness Hour" (every Friday at noon on AM 1280 in Minneapolis) have challenged and motivated me to work on my happiness as a "moral obligation" to those in my life. I highly recommend both to everyone.

Something today brought to mind his theory called "the missing tile syndrome". I think it is profound. Prager argues that one of the ways we ruin our happiness is to look at a beautiful scene and fixate on whatever is flawed or missing, no matter how small. Imagine looking at a tiled ceiling from which one tile is missing and you’ll most likely focus on that missing tile. The more beautiful the ceiling, the more you will concentrate on the missing tile and let it affect your enjoyment of it. Now when it comes to ceilings or anything else in the physical world, wanting things to exist in its complete form is desirable or even necessary. Ceilings, he says, can be perfect, but life cannot. In life, there will always be tiles missing. We can always imagine a more perfect life, or we can choose to focus on real or perceived flaws to diminish our happiness. He said in order to deal with the Missing Tile syndrome, we have to determine if what’s missing is central to our happiness or if it is just another insatiable longing. The solution, he says, is to "Get It, Forget It, or Replace It" with another tile.

In many circumstances I challenge myself to take my focus off the missing tile and onto the "beautiful ceiling" that is my life. I would encourage everyone to consider this powerful analogy as you go about your days.