"This Alcoholic is being brought to you in part by..."

Well, it took over a year and a half to happen but I now have a sponsor in AA. Many of you have an idea what this is, some may not. It is basically a mentor in the program who guides you and supports you in your sobriety. Through the course of my sobriety, I have been able to go it alone...something I would not suggest to other alcoholics. The Big Book describes that the alcoholic obsession and compulsion to drink is sometimes lifted quickly, sometimes slowly. For me, it was lifted very quickly--at some point during treatment at The Retreat. I can honestly say there has not been that obsessive thinking nor a overwhelming compulsion to get drunk. It seems I am among the blessed few who don't have to battle that (for at least a while) in sobriety. Maybe God knew I was too weak in the face of that...I don't know. Anyway, that freedom from those thoughts and desires left me less than dependent on persistent participation in AA meetings and sponsorship (many alcoholic's only defense against the obsession). The only problem is that recovery is more than abstaining from drinking alcohol--it is described as a "complete psychic change, a spiritual awakening, a new way of thinking, and I like to say 'becoming a man'". So regardless of whether I fear I will drink again, I need to stay connected to this group.

I finally found an AA group I love. I tell people that finding a good AA group is like finding a good church. There have been times I have walked into a group and felt like everyone there was sober and miserable...they may as well drink, I often think. Like a good church, I wanted a group that wanted to be there, and was happy in this change that God had made in them. My new group is just that. I instantly had no excuses left for my lack of participation so I dove in. I asked a man to be my sponsor and I volunteered to serve the group (I clean up after). It amazed me how difficult it was...we (alcoholics as well as people in general) are so proud, and asking for help is a decision which requires you to humble yourself. To that point, it really requires humility when you are allowing someone to speak into your life, and to some degree you are putting them in a position of authority over you.

So far, it feels really great to be connected to a group. Meeting people is awkward, and the time commitment is a sacrifice, but in the end I was scared of becoming one of those alcoholics who relapsed after 2, 5, 10, or 20 years. A few people have asked if the reason I was doing this is because I thought I was in trouble or close to drinking....in a word, NO! I feel strong as ever, but those relapses happen all the time because we don't stick with the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. A relapse for me would turn my world upside down. I am determined to never go back.